Requiem
by lunarmira
Summary: Only time will tell the meaning of a life, the impact one has made on this world. A drabble on Gaara's life from the moment he decided to be more than the monster he was in the chunnin exams.


_**Requiem**_

_**AN: **_Naruto_ is not mine, and the song quoted is "Only Time Will Tell" which is from Ralph Bakshi's _Wizards_. Also, there are some quotes from the book _Dune_ by Frank Herbert. _

_What? Gaara loves the Dune series!_

* * *

_Time renews tomorrow_

_when we used today,_

_it will find the sorrow_

_and wash it all away._

* * *

Sleep. Oh how he envied those who could, as he stared with teal eyes into the dark starlit night. To have that moment of peace and renewal, to wake up to a fresh start.

Briefly, he supposed that might have been why he had acted the way he did before the chunnin exams. There was no peace or renewal for him, only pain and loathing. He hadn't a clue how to start with this new life he had promised himself to find.

Shukaku snorted at him from within, and he reminded himself of what he was trying to accomplish, his own renewal. He closed his eyes, felt the wind drift through his red hair, and let the sand surround him as he journeyed quietly into that deep darkness that was his own heart.

"I will not fear, fear is the mind-killer, fear is the little death..." an old quote from an old book he had read a long time ago in an attempt to keep his mind occupied. At the time he thought it and all other stories were garbage, a show to entertain the weak with promises of hope and light.

Now he was reexamining that assessment. Even though he knew what he would see in that pitch black that housed his soul, he was afraid, he longed for the hope and light that those stories had attempted to give him.

_What have I allowed myself to become? Is it too late to change anything?_

He could see the golden eyes watching him as he walked into the black hall that was utterly devoid of life and sound... all except for him and for Shukaku.

There were doors here, ones that he guessed led to his own memories, but he ignored them, walking straight down the path to the large room at the end.

He shielded his eyes, this room was bright compared to the rest, and decorated with plush colorful rugs and tapestries that surrounded a central dias where an elaborate golden cage stood. In it stood another version of himself, only taller and with sandy colored hair instead of the red and gold eyes instead of the teal.

Gaara sensed the ichibi's true form hidden in that one, and walked to a cushion in front of the cage, sitting down upon it and staring at Shukaku who merely stared back at him.

Moments ticked by, but neither gaze wavered. Finally Shukaku spoke, "You'll miss it."

"I highly doubt it," the red-head quietly answered.

"But it felt so good," the look on the demon's face was almost feral, "Their screams and their blood on our hands, the power of snapping their life away..." he smirked, as a wave of memories crashed from him into Gaara.

Oh gods it did feel good, _so _good... every life taken, every dream he destroyed... there was no denying how _good _it felt. He closed his eyes against them, trying to find something to hold onto, something to bring him away from the pleasure he had felt at killing...

There. His very first memory. It was all he had that showed love... even if it was for only a second, something he would never be sure ever happened... and it wasn't a lie, unlike Yashimaru... he just wasn't sure if it was _real._

He glared back at Shukaku, keeping that memory firmly in his head, the only genuine smile he had received before Konoha, before he had killed so many, before Yashimaru had...

The kanji on his forehead burned, and he kept glaring at the ichibi.

"Brat. Whelp. Why are you trying this now? Are you actually hoping for some sort of sick redemption for your wrongs?"

He didn't answer, had no need to answer. Shukaku _would _be defeated, not merely controlled, and he _would _change. There was no need for redemption, it was already far too late, but if he could _change_... could renew himself then maybe, just maybe...

His mother's smile, her last gift to him, wouldn't have been in vain.

* * *

_Love can play a new tune_

_on this carousel._

_It may be tomorrow,_

_but only time will tell._

* * *

He looked at himself in the mirror, adjusting the hat that came with his new station, still wondering at how he had received such an high honor.

"You're the best nin in the village," Temari had said as she hugged him, "Just imagine, my baby brother, the youngest Kage in history!"

Two years had passed since the chunnin exams in Konoha, two years of reinventing himself, striving to earn recognition that he was not a weapon nor a monster, he was merely _Gaara_.

He never expected the support from his two siblings or his old jonin instructor. Never thought that anyone would ever actually love him after all he had done, that even though he had changed, he still only had himself... and he was prepared to sacrifice his own person to give it to his village.

A small part of him realized that this was why he was chosen as Kazekage.

"They're waiting," Kankuro said, "You've got to make a speech and all."

He actually blushed, he had no idea what to say to these people that he would now be leading. He found himself walking towards the balcony that was overlooking the main courtyard where everyone had gathered, and teal eyes took in the people below.

There were a few that were cheering, some looked somber, some looked happy, but afraid to show it. He could even sense a very few that were cursing under their breaths, still thinking of him as a demon.

He cleared his throat, "People of Sunagakure..." immediately the attention was on him, and as he spoke the small inauguration speech, their looks all became the same.

Awe and respect... even the ones cursing had it in their eyes.

He didn't realize it until much later, but a small seed had been planted that day, one of love and adoration.

* * *

_Somewhere in this darkness,_

_there must be a light._

_Leading us together_

_through the misty night._

* * *

He opened his teal eyes to find Naruto standing over him, looking around he saw members from Konoha. Despite the new emptiness from Shukaku's extraction, he felt a warmth deep inside.

As they made their way back to Sunagakure, he allowed himself to lean heavily on his siblings, something he had not done since they had carried him away from Konoha.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, the same words he had said so long ago.

"Don't be," Temari said wiping her eyes, "We're just so very glad that you're alive."

Kankuro nodded his agreement, "You scared us little brother."

Nothing more was said and they made their goodbyes at the gate, everyone smiling as he shook hands with the blond jinchuuriki, his first friend.

There were others, Lee and Tenten waved goodbye, and Neji gave a slight nod to him. A few months later he would receive a letter from their team, written mostly by Lee judging by the handwriting, asking how he was doing, and informing him of their own health.

He had never gotten a personal letter before, and had asked Temari, who had a regular correspondence with Shikamaru what to make of it.

"Write back," she smiled, "It's like the diplomatic treaties, only it's friendlier. Much less stressful as well."

Nodding he took the letter back to the office, and in the midst of the trade agreements and treaties from the capitol and other nations, he composed a rather lengthy reply.

Soon more letters came, this time individual ones, and his correspondence grew, He and Lee spoke of training, Tenten's letters tended to surround the subjects of his cacti cultivation and her fortune-telling, and he often had to suppress a chuckle at her latest predictions for him.

He and Neji wrote of redemption and whether or not it was possible to find it.

Soon the correspondence was halted as the Fourth Ninja War started to begin, and he found himself leading a battalion of mixed villages, including Team Gai which was representing Konoha in his small regiment.

Any doubts about the young Kage's ability to lead, which none from Suna or Konoha had, were dispelled in their first battle.

* * *

_And maybe in the new dawn_

_we can break the spell._

_It may be tomorrow,_

_but only time will tell._

* * *

Reconstruction began almost as soon as he stepped back in Sunagakure after the war. He sent his shinobi to rebuild the farms and vales lost to the battles between Madara's forces and the joint armies, not caring whose fault it was.

He encouraged his people to find other ways, potters and weavers came out of the once battle hardened people, and he set up more trade agreements, more treaties, striving to make a reality a world where the meaningless fighting will one day stop.

They were still too weak for it now, but maybe, one day in the future, if everyone could somehow work together.

Naruto gave him a copy of the book Jiraiya had written, the blond gave one to all of his friends, and in reading it, he almost remembered the lessons of the books he had read so long ago.

He went to his room and closed the door, finding those books and many more and reading them all. Sleep still didn't come to him, at least not easily. More trade agreements and more treaties were drafted during this time.

Sunagakure slowly grew from the militant village it had been to a trading center. Once it had scrambled for hand-outs from the capitol, now it seemed that nobles were coming to him to borrow money in this new age.

As the years passed, he continued his correspondence with his friends and they often came to visit. His sister married Shikamaru, his brother fell for a pretty civilian, both moved away, but at the same time remained close to him in his heart.

He ruled silently, interfering when he needed to, but not so much as to oppress his people. He set up courts and legislation to protect his people's rights and freedoms.

In this he was adored and loved, gone was the old fear they had once felt for him.

* * *

_There can be a new dream,_

_one for us to hold,_

_made with peace and hope_

_and built upon the old._

* * *

He walked along the streets of his village, no longer the young man he once had been. His red hair was now sprinkled with silver and there were lines on his face, though his eyes were still the same.

Children played along the streets, and when they saw him they smiled and reached their hands out, hoping for a blessing from the Kazekage. He gently touched each one's head, silently smiling. They ran off and he thought back to how the children at one time avoided him.

His village was one of the greatest in all the nations now. Peace had finally come and with it prosperity through his hard work. Everywhere he looked, the once drab city was bursting with life, and though the shinobi still stuck to their rigorous training... he was not fool enough to let his guard down, even in this time of peace... they were no longer the emotionless weapons that were thought so highly of in Sunagakure in the past.

He knocked on the door to his brother's house, and was treated to a large embrace from his twin niece's as they opened the door. "Uncle Gaara you came!" Kiyoshi sadly smiled, and Kiyomi nodded her sorrowed happiness at seeing him.

Kankuro was right behind them, and he gripped his brother's shoulder, "Thanks for joining us for dinner little brother, I don't..." he didn't continue the sentence, and Gaara nodded.

Even in this time of peace there was still tragedy. Kankuro's wife had been killed in a kiln explosion the day before, an act of sabotage from an enemy... but not a country this time, another potter who was angry for Rune receiving an important contract.

Dinner was a silent affair, and Gaara reflected quietly on the past years, the friends and family he had lost in that time. Naruto had vanished after the war, refusing to return to Konoha, instead becoming like Jiraiya, a wandering sage, and no one had seen him since. Tenten, who had actually married Lee, died in the childbirth of their second son, and the baby had gone with her, leaving Lee devastated, but not enough to change his way of life. Kakashi had been killed in that final battle, sacrificing himself to save both Naruto and Sasuke, the latter also dying in that last battle, in a kamikaze attack on Madara, which had weakened the elder enough for the joint armies to defeat him.

It was a handful of lives, especially when compared to the ones still _here_ and still living, but he mourned every one of them as if they were a hundred people strong. He looked at the faces of his grey eyed nieces and thought on how he could have prevented their mother's death.

"Rune wouldn't have wanted us to be sad," Kankuro suddenly spoke, "You girls know what she would say when something turned bad on her wheel."

"Mush it up and try again?" Kiyomi raised an eyebrow at her father.

"No!" he stammered, "Life just takes a lot of patience, you have to be willing to start over new sometimes."

"Kankuro..." Gaara had a very wry smile on his face, "That's essentially what she said."

It was a bittersweet laughter the four had at that, and the Kazekage soon bid them farewell, knowing that his nieces and his brother would be alright after all.

Instead of going home, he summoned the sand and drifted away to the top of a building, watching the night sky in silence, waiting for the sunrise as he offered prayers for his friends gone and his friends still in this world.

* * *

_No one has the answer_

_to give away or sell._

_Tomorrow holds the secret,_

_but only time will tell._

* * *

Rain fell on Sunagakure, one of the first real rainfalls in ages, as the procession left the Kazekage tower. Along the streets, people had gathered, silently staring at the coffin draped with the symbol of their city. Kankuro and his daughters and their children walked behind it, followed by Temari and her son and his children. Behind them, people from Konoha, Neji and Lee walked together with Lee's son. Sakura followed behind them. Then came the people who made up the council that had been under the Kazekage, following them the ANBU, then jonin, then chunin, then genin...

Everyone walked behind them after that, waiting for the procession to pass by them so that they could join in. Silently they came to the cemetery, and the monk began the sermon. The rain echoed the tears everyone had, and after they had buried the remains, they came to leave their small offerings.

Hours later, the only ones left in the graveyard were Temari, Kankuro, Lee, and Neji, the rest having gone back into town.

"How did it happen?" Temari asked quietly, tears still in her eyes.

"There was another dispute between traders," Kankuro said, hands in his pockets as he stared at the grave, "And he had them meet him at this restaurant, since they didn't want to discuss it in his office. One of them brought a bomb which exploded before he could notice."

"He was complaining in his last letter of his senses dulling," Neji noted.

"He was able to use the sand to save everyone, taking the brunt of the shrapnel himself," Kankuro sighed, "There were too many damn people there... maybe if there were less..."

Temari placed her hand on his shoulder, calming the old puppet master down, "Not everyone can die of old age," she said.

Lee nodded, wiping his eyes, "He's finally sleeping."

The other three stared at him for a long moment, then a slow sorrowful smile grew on each of their faces as they looked one last time at the grave, before drifting out of the courtyard.

Neji left last, "I believe you finally found that redemption old friend," he gazed thoughtfully at the inscription on the grave, an old quote taken from an old book he knew Gaara to be fond of, before he joined the others, the rain slowly beginning to let up.

_**Sabaku no Gaara, Fifth Kazekage of Sunagakure. **_

_**He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, and more than a man.**_


End file.
